Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Hubris: a cautionary tale.

Brother Gregory, is a friar in the little-known Pistachio Brotherhood.
The Brotherhood was named for Saint Pistachio (the patron saint of ballerinas) who discovered, named and cultivated the Pistachio nut.
Gregory has been visited by the Christmas Fairy (note the lipstick on his forehead). His eyes still burn with the light of religious fervor from the God-given opportunity he has received to elevate the Brotherhood's commercial status.

He will take the precious water that flows from the spring at the Pistachio monastery and sell it to the people.
He will market this magical beverage under the name 'Pis Water'.
Finally, after centuries of smoldering resentment the Pistachio Brotherhood would stride from the shadow of those 'one hit wonder' braggarts, the Cappuchin Monks with their frothy little cappuchinos, and bask in the glorious light of fame.

Gregory receives a lot of attention at the product release party and he falls prey to the sin of hubris.
He disappoints and then offends his muse the Christmas Fairy, when he tells her that it is 'his' Pis Water that she is drinking, and, that 'he' is "working on a deal with Starbucks".

Christmas Fairy decides that she must save Brother Gregory from himself.
She releases to the press a photograph of Brother Gregory partying with Elvis Priestly by the Christmas Tree, and in his hand she photoshops a Bass Ale.
The ensuing uproar drowns out any positive publicity that 'Pis Water' had garnered, particularly as the Cappuchins launch a smear campaign portraying 'Pis Water' as "The refreshment of hypocrites".
The gutter press join the witch hunt, printing the photo (without challenging it's authenticity) on the front page above a towering headline that screams "BASS IS IN THE FRIAR'.

Nobody wants to drink Brother Gregory's 'Pis Water'.

Gregory is recalled in disgrace to the Monastery where he is demoted to tending the Monastery's maggot heap.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Dehydration: a cautionary tale.

Charlie goes to a party.
Charlie feels a little uncomfortable.
Charlie has a little wine to help him relax.

Charlie has a brainwave.
"If I'm this relaxed and cool when I drink wine,
I'm not going to drink anything else".

Charlie pursues his plan with gusto.

Charlie's still loving life.

Charlie's bloom begins to wither.

Charlie's bloom has now officially ceased to exist.... it is no more.
Dehydration has him in it's dusty grip; his tongue is a sliver of brick,
and when he tried to urinate his member resembled beef jerky.
Fortunately for him, up steps a bloke with water.
Charlie is so weakened at this point, all he can do is lift his head and open his mouth like a baby bird.
Charlie's savior was himself saved by the Guinness Fairy, and now wears a cardboard yoke to announce his intention to lead a life in the service of others.